In light of the Buffy v. Edward video and a couple of responses to the article explaining why it was done, I find myself thinking about my own role in a romance. Should I be the damsel in distress, the strong, competent woman? Is the weakness that appealing? Maybe I should find what I should be - in other words, not what society expects of me, but rather the role that I myself feel comfortable in. I am an independent woman in some ways. In others, well... not so much. I want to be helped but not feel coddled. I want someone who's there to fight for me, but I don't want to feel like I'm being "looked out for". Anyway, I suspect that's all the time I will get to reflect on that tonight. Later!

So I had an interesting episode today. And I realized that I need someone who can deal with my...explosions. I wouldn't say I am a typically explosive person, but when I get aggravated enough...whew. I need someone who can handle that.

Haha...I usually forget about this place. So...how are you guys? :D

Trying to reconcile the different sides of my personality. There is a flame inside of me; I've known it for years. I used to refer to it as fire beneath the ice. How does it figure into my personality? What  is it for? *laughs* I think that I come across as someone to run over, maybe even someone who will let herself be run over. To a point, maybe. But don't miss that stubborn, territorial, fiery streak in me. What do I want? I feel that I need to be protected; really, I can't take care of myself that well. At the same time, I don't want to be patronized or smothered. Day to day life, ie bill-paying, house-cleaning, etc, I'm not so good at. I'd love to have someone do that for me so I don't have to. Just a thought: am I really not as strong as I pretend to be, or am I stronger than I think? Maybe it depends on the definition of strength.

Over time, I have held the belief that my gifts are useless in the bigger picture. I am compassionate, I am kind, and I lift spirits. What usefulness is that? I feel like I will have to be taken care of. And really, I'm not all that practical or proficient in a worldly sense. And so I feel useless. I feel that what I have to give is not enough. I don't want to be a burden on someone. I want to do something. I want to make a difference. I want to be worth something! Is all I have to look forward to in life balancing someone out? Or is that more noble than I think? I will make someone happy. I will support someone. But I want more. Is that too much to ask?

:D I'm not gonna make the effort to be proper and formal. Enjoy the site.